Life's Unattainables

When we saw this picture (reblogged from ffffound), our immediate thought was “We want some of that, yes please.” But there was no brand name or model number included in the post, so we were dubious. Was it just another of those “design concepts” that people are always posting, super-desirable products that tantalize us but are not actually available for purchase?

A little research reveals that the answer is both no and yes. What you see above is the Legno turntable, produced by the Italian company Montegiro. You can actually buy it. For $13,240. In other words, you can’t actually buy it.

We have heard of aficionados who spend $30,000 on just the right kind of speaker wire, so who knows? Maybe $13,240 is a bargain price in the rarified world of high-end audio. But until Walter White breaks into our house and leaves a huge pile of cash on our ottoman, we’ll have to add the Legno to the long list of life’s unattainables—right up there with Beyonce’s phone number and the power of flight.

Grandpa Tells It Like It Is

The sass-talking senior citizen is a comedic staple that goes all the way back to W.C. Fields, and we’re cheered to see that it is alive and well in this great new ad from Oscar Meyer. Strictly speaking, the message here is that Grandpa should should be more polite in his comments. But it’s pretty clear what the people who created this spot actually think: Grandpa is a total badass.

(Extra credit to the child actor for his look of confused disgust after Gramps gives him the-birds-and-the-bees lecture.)

Cool (but bad for you)

We like the concept of this combo iPad / toilet paper stand, selling at CTA Digital and pointed out to us by the good people at Gizmodo. But we are against it 100%.

Have you ever spent 40 minutes on the toilet playing Minecraft on your iPad? Of course you have. And you have probably followed it up with 10 minutes of painful running in place, just to get the feeling back in your legs and buttocks. That shit is unhealthy. Suppose you develop a blood clot, and it travels from your leg, up through your ass and into your brain, giving you a stroke? Imagine trying to live that down in the rehab facility. No, no, no. Anything that makes this dangerous behavior more convenient must be rejected out of hand.

http://gizmodo.com/5982101/secretly-we-all-want-this-toilet+paper+holding-ipad-stand

Fan-boi!

tscp:

22 | From Phones To Tablets: 26 Apple Designs That Never Came To Be | Co.Design: business + innovation + design

Though a quick search of the internets tells us that “fanboi” is a derogatory term, we still have to admit that we are fanbois (is that the plural? Fanboix? Fanboii) of Apple products, and get all weak in the knees when Cupertino releases something new.

So we were tickled, in our fanboi-ish way, to see this collection of early Apple designs—computers that were never actually built, but which would have been awwwsum.

Happy Martin Luther King Day

Gene Herrick / AP

So often, when we celebrate Martin Luther King, we do so with somberly inspirational images, as if to underscore the gravity of his life and achievements. So to buck that trend, we decided to post this snapshot, in which the refreshingly youthful civil rights leader looks like a swing-era crooner getting mobbed by adoring bobby soxers. (Actually, he’s leaving a Montgomery, Alabama courtroom after a legal victory, and the bobby soxer is his wife Coretta Scott King.)

You have a dream?  Baby, what you’ve got is style.

Extremely Fucking Cool (in Retrospect)

Whenever we see an old pictures like this, we wish we could have been there, in that magic era when b-boys ruled the streets, New York City had real grit, and tube socks were the bomb.

Never mind that if we actually had ventured into the South Bronx in the early ‘80s, we would have been bat-shit terrified by all the urban blight we now find so charming. The point is: it’s in the past, so we can fully embrace it’s awesome cool-osity. (I mean, c’mon: when was the last time you saw a kid from the ghetto rocking a pith helmet for Christ’s sake?)

Click on this link to see more amazing images:

http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/15/raw-and-real-inside-the-south-bronx/

Photo by Ricky Flores (http://rickyflores.com)

Back When The Coffee Was HOT!

In one respect we’re like everyone else who works in social media: we love looking at old advertisements—ostensibly to congratulate ourselves on how much more sophisticated we are these days, but really to look for ideals to steal.

From the current perspective, there are so many things wrong with the above ad—too much copy, indecisive call-to-action, unattractive product image—but we admire it nevertheless.

First up, there’s the way the coffee cup pops, despite the fact that the coffee itself looks pretty watery.

Then there’s “Coffee Hunger” instead of “Coffee Thirst”—an unconventional choice on the part of the copywriter that shows some chutzpah.

But above all is the look on the guy’s face: a craven, narrow-eyed leer at something off camera, presumably the rest of the woman who’s pouring the coffee. What is she wearing? And why does it excite his secret shame so much? A french maid’s outfit? Scuba diving gear? Just an everyday house dress? We could spend hours coming up with kinky scenarios for what’s going on beyond the frame, but it doesn’t really matter: all that matters is that on some level something thrilling and forbidden is happening, all because of Nescafe Instant Coffee.

Genius.

vintageads:

Nescafe 1955

Manatee-ism

We were going to post something snarky about the current scandal in the world of comic books—Marvel Comics’ decision to kill off Peter Parker, the seemingly ageless young man who has been Spider Man’s alter-ego since the early ’60s—when we came across the above photoset, which we think deserves more attention than the other thing.

We love this, not because it renders ridiculous the icons of the current comic-industrial complex (after all, we’re big fans of said icons, particularly the mighty Thor, perhaps the most insufferable superhero ever created), but because it takes two utterly unrelated things and puts them together with marvelous effect. (Click through to see Superman, Wonder Woman and a particularly hilarious Batman.)

capt-steeeve-rogers:

Superheroes re-imagined as Manatees 

Pearls Before Swine

We love this collection of bad client feedback re-imagined as whimsical graphics, not so much because we’re bitter over the treatment our own clients give us (which is generally pretty reasonable, truth be told) but because it shows creatives actually creating, instead of complaining.

steamygoss:

Horrible client feedback turned into hilarious and cathartic works of art. Happy Friday!

http://sharpsuits.net

Fake a Hug

Of all the wonderful apps and hardware made possible by the Internet, perhaps the least convincing are those that seek to replicate actual human contact. Take, for example, the Like-A-Hug—a jacket which allows any one of your Facebook friends to “hug” you from a distance.

This idea would be annoying even if the people behind Like-A-Hug had figured out an elegant way to execute it. But they didn’t. The Like-A-Hug simulates an embrace by filling an incredibly fashion-backward jacket with air. Imagine walking through the park and every five minutes the shapeless blue vest you’re wearing spontaneously puffs up like an emergency lifejacket. It will not make you feel loved.

This idea is emblematic of the one aspect of social media that we—true believers all—don’t agree with: the neurotic drive to inject social media into every area of human experience. Whatever value it has to your self-esteem, a Facebook “like” is not the same thing as a real-life like, and most of your “friends” on FB are not your friends at all. We prefer real hugs, from real people we care about, the people we actually enjoy being clasped by.

(Read more about it: http://bit.ly/TGq8JE)

The Fresh Prints of Belair

 

We’re not heavy partisans of analog-over-digital here at DML. We think that you can take awesome photos with a smartphone (if you know what you’re doing) and that Instagram filters can make photos look even better (if you know what you’re doing). None of this “you have to get your hands dirty in the darkroom to be a real photographer” nonsense for us.

That said, we lurv, lurv, lurv the Belair X 6-12 Globetrotter, which looks like something Audrey Hepburn would have used back in the day. We’re even thinking of getting one for the office. Not to take pictures with—goodness, no—but to be seen holding, as if we were about to take a picture. You can’t buy that kind of authenticity.

lomographicsociety:

Embrace the possibilities of medium-format film and watch your creativity take off. With the Belair X 6-12 Globetrotter, you can create high-quality panoramas, regular and square photos, mix-and-match high quality lenses and much, much more. The camera is crafted from metal and wears a brown snake-style patterned leather coat. Pre-order your camera today and save 30% - Only 300 of this camera will be made available worldwide! http://bit.ly/T1DT58

BABIES SHOULD SLEEP THIS WELL

We don’t believe in coincidences. If we say “we’ve been working like a dog,” and then a dog barks, it is not just chance, but an event of extreme significance.

So when we saw this article about the Ostrich Pillow, we started to tremble with an almost religious fear.

Because earlier that day, we had read this article in the New York Times about sleep, and the growing practice of letting employees take mid-day naps to increase their productivity. Thus, we have the prospect of a post-lunch snore, and the perfect accessory to make that snore possible.

Do we care that the Ostrich Pillow resembles an enormous bug head? Or that it looks like it might suffocate you if you actually tried to use it?

No, we don’t care. Because the Ostrich Pillow allows us to sleep on the job. And that trumps everything.

Time is not always so mean.

The great rabbi Abraham Heschel once said that “time is sarcasm,” and he had a point. Time takes our dreams and our vanity and, in the end, renders both ridiculous.

But it’s not always so mean. Sometimes it throws us a nice surprise out of the past.

Take, for example, this long-lost photo of Tina Turner, part of a trove of equally awesome pictures found in the closet of Jack Robinson, a bitter recluse who—once—had been a photographer of the beautiful and the famous. (You can read more about him and see more photos here.)

Source: musicthatspeaks

A Sexy Beast

We love Iggy Pop. Aside from his amazing his body of work—particularly his seminal records with the Stooges, which only sound better as the years go by—we love his amazing body; the sinews, the wrinkles, the blood vessels the size of fat earth worms. He’s wildly attractive and wildly repulsive all at once—no small feat at any age, but a miracle at 65. He’s icktastic, grossexy and fuckusting: everything an old punk should be.

But a bobblehead? No no no. We’re sure Iggy’s head is big enough as it is. Besides, this one looks like George Bush, Senior in a wig.

(If you think you can design a better Iggy Pop bobblehead, send us a drawing and we’ll post it on our Facebook page. The winner will get a year’s worth of heroin.)*

* - Contest void in states where heroin is illegal.

Original post: http://tmblr.co/Zj5HrwSmXmSf

Twit Hit

The inner fan boy/girl in us was all a’tremble when we learned that someone at The New York Times had written an article about Carly Rae Jepsen and her monster summer hit “Call Me Maybe.” What juicy bits of gossip had the Times dug up? What dirt? Would she reveal whom the song is about? Would she offer any dating tips? Would she tell us what Justin’s really like?

Well, in our excitement we forgot this is the stodgy old New York Times. Turns out the article was about the music business, and how the success of “Call Me Maybe” represents a new paradigm for making a song a hit, driven as it was by Twitter and YouTube exposure.  Yawn. Motherfuckin’ yaaaawn.

Listen, we’re social media people. We spend lots of time on the web, and this just doesn’t seem like news to us.

The article is accurate:  Carly Rae’s song was just a minor Canadian hit until Justin Beiber and his friends did a lip-syncing video that went viral. Which in turn spawned other viral videos. Which in their turn made the original song and video blow up something fierce.

It’s just that this kind of thing has been going on for a while, though admittedly not on this scale. The main difference here is that radio picked up the song based on the Internet exposure, not the other way around.

We fully approve of this development, and we celebrate the democratizing effects of the interwebs. But we also kind of miss the good old days, when crafting the “song of the summer” involved midnight writing sessions in Laurel Canyon, out-of-their-head producers throwing chairs around studios on the Sunset Strip, and label execs snorting coke out of a stripper’s belly-button while trying to decide which DJ will get the most payola. God, what an innocent time that was!

Read the article here.

Original post: http://tmblr.co/Zj5HrwR_CIu1

Bill Gates vs. Poop

What’s the world’s greatest invention? We know the usual suspects: the wheel, the computer, sliced bread. But it’s obvious that the world’s greatest invention is actually the toilet.

Yes, the wheel allows us to travel great distances, and the computer allows us to communicate with each other from the other side of the world. But think about what the toilet does. The toilet takes our poo and moves it…away. It sends it some place where we don’t have to think about it ever again. Amazing.

Of course, as this article points out, things aren’t really that simple. The toilet has not changed much since it was invented over two hundred years ago: it still depends on the liberal application of water, and in these days, when the world’s fresh water is quickly being used up, we need a more comprehensive conservation plan than “if it’s yellow, it’s mellow/ if it’s brown, flush it down.”

Enter Bill Gates, who has thrown a tiny portion of his ridonculous wealth at the problem by funding a contest to reinvent the toilet. His motivation is pretty noble, we admit. He wants to cut down on diseases caused by poor sanitation in developing countries, which kills a distressingly large number of people every year—many of them children.

In theory, we applaud this effort. But, having once had to use a composting toilet during a high school trip to a clean energy farm, we know that we will never be comfortable with anything other than the traditional porcelain convenience. (And before you accuse us of being too spoiled and “First World” about it: we know what it’s like to lack adequate bathroom facilities. Have you ever worked in a Soho loft office? There’s one bathroom for about thirty people, and it’s right next to the desks. There’s no way we’re going to do our business there. We’ve had a hell of a time figuring out which local restaurant restroom we can sneak into without having to actually buy something. No, it’s not “possible death by exposure to raw sanitation,” but it’s damn inconvenient.)

But can we just take a minute to consider the power of the truly super rich? Think about it. Bill Gates says “I want you to reinvent the way people shit!” and hundreds of scientists hop to it. That’s juice.

Original link: http://tmblr.co/Zj5HrwRYJDQk

More Humiliating Than Those Conical Dog Collars

The relationship of Man to Dog is a curious one, Of course, there is lots of mutual love and affection, whether it is expressed as him wagging his tail or you rigorously scratching him behind the ears. But Man has come up with an enormous variety of instruments for keeping his “best friend” in his place—the collar, the muzzle, the leash, the argyle dog sweater—each seemingly designed to render significant humiliation while avoiding outright contempt.

Until today, we considered the worst of these instruments the conical dog collar, those white plastic contraptions veterinarians force dogs to wear so they won’t lick their anti-flea medication or pull out their stitches with their teeth. If you’ve ever doubted that dogs have feelings, just take a look at one wearing a conical collar. Like a medieval villager set in the stocks at the pleasure of the Lord of the Manor, the face of a dog so afflicted is one of pure pathos;  sadness and shame and bewilderment radiating from every pore.

We thought that was the worst thing you could do to a dog, until we saw the picture below. At least there’s usually a medical reason for employing a conical collar. But this…well, frankly we can’t find the words. Never mind the fact that you’re denying the dog the chance to do one of the few things he’s actually good at—running—but by demoting him to the status of a pannier bag, you’re denying him his heritage. His ancestors pulled the sleds that brought the first human explorers to the North Poll, for God’s sake! And now you’re bringing him to the local food co-op? That’s brutal.